I spoke to my wife about how it is that a man, so much in the public eye, can convince himself that adultery can be hidden. What possesses a man who lives in a fish bowl that he can keep this a secret? Even if it can be hidden for a season, God has said that He will always judge the adulterer (Heb 13:4). That verse should scare the lust right out of us. Sin however, has a powerful blinding effect to reason and good sense. Sin makes us dumber than a box of rocks (Proverbs 6:32).
Years ago I read a list of reasons to guard us from the sin of adultery. Randy Alcorn put this list together and it is meant to put the fear of God before us in our moral purity. Here is Randy's list... (Hat tip: Justin Taylor)
Personalized List of Anticipated Consequences of Immorality
- Grieving my Lord; displeasing the One whose opinion most matters.
- Dragging into the mud Christ's sacred reputation.
- Loss of reward and commendation from God.
- Having to one day look Jesus in the face at the judgment seat and give an account of why I did it. Forcing God to discipline me in various ways.
- Following in the footsteps of men I know of whose immorality forfeited their ministry and caused me to shudder. List of these names:
- Suffering of innocent people around me who would get hit by my shrapnel (a la Achan).
- Untold hurt to Nanci, my best friend and loyal wife.
- Loss of Nanci's respect and trust.
- Hurt to and loss of credibility with my beloved daughters, Karina and Angela. ("Why listen to a man who betrayed Mom and us?")
- If my blindness should continue or my family be unable to forgive, I could lose my wife and my children forever.
- Shame to my family. (The cruel comments of others who would invariably find out.)
- Shame to my church family.
- Shame and hurt to my fellow pastors and elders. List of names:
- Shame and hurt to my friends, and especially those I've led to Christ and discipled. List of names:
- Guilt awfully hard to shake—even though God would forgive me, would I forgive myself?
- Plaguing memories and flashbacks that could taint future intimacy with my wife.
- Disqualifying myself after having preached to others.
- Surrender of the things I am called to and love to do—teach and preach and write and minister to others. Forfeiting forever certain opportunities to serve God. Years of training and experience in ministry wasted for a long period of time, maybe permanently.
- Being haunted by my sin as I look in the eyes of others, and having it all dredged up again wherever I go and whatever I do.
- Undermining the hard work and prayers of others by saying to our community "this is a hypocrite—who can take seriously anything he and his church have said and done?"
- Laughter, rejoicing and blasphemous smugness by those who disrespect God and the church (2 Samuel 12:14).
- Bringing great pleasure to Satan, the Enemy of God.
- Heaping judgment and endless problems on the person I would have committed adultery with.
- Possible diseases (pain, constant reminder to me and my wife, possible infection of Nanci, or in the case of AIDS, even causing her death, as well as mine.)
- Possible pregnancy, with its personal and financial implications.
- Loss of self-respect, discrediting my own name, and invoking shame and lifelong embarrassment upon myself.
1. The blessings of years of faithfulness to my spouse that brings a trust that cannot be found in any other manner. Just think of looking at a photo album after 40 years of marriage, without twinges of guilt or feelings of what might have been. Rather, think of being reminded of years of faithful commitment that is like looking with satisfaction in seeing a tree you planted growing three feet across and fifty feet tall.
2. Children who have a model of faithfulness, who can find no excuse in mom or dad for their own adultery.
3. A thousand small blessings of a touch on the hand or look across the room that says "I love you" and "I trust you". Small inside jokes that only come from deep trust and intimacy.
4. A life of serving Christ together as a model for many to follow.
5. Never having to try to repair the bond of sexual intimacy. Think of never having to worry about trying to overcome the deepest hurts possible. Think of never having to have brain surgery. How much better to never have to undergo major surgery on your relationship with your spouse!
6. People who engage in adultery see it as a freedom of sorts. What a massive lie from the pit of hell! In reality it is a brutal prison with its own torture chamber. Real freedom is in being faithful to one spouse so long as you both shall live. Only in marital faithfulness is there freedom to know joy and trust and the blessings of God. Marriage is never without troubles, but there are enough troubles without the nuclear explosion of adultery.
7. God designed sex for marriage alone. If it is put anywhere else but marriage it destroys. I love the illustration of a fire. A fire is a great thing if it is kept in the fireplace. But if you build a fire in the middle of the floor of your living room, it will burn down the house. Keep it in the fireplace and it will be a glorious thing. It will bring both warmth, light and a wonderful atmosphere.
8. Ultimately we are faithful to our spouses because it honors Christ. For husbands we witness to Christ's love for the church, and wives witness to the church's commitment Christ. What a glorious privilege that will bring with it eternal rewards.
Because of sin we need both fear and joy set before us as motivations to faithfulness.
Take this opportunity to pray for your own commitment to your spouse, and for one other couple and their faithfulness. And do something special for your wife or husband today that will say to them, "I am committed to you and I love you, for Christ's sake." Maybe a note or a breakfast in bed or just a hug in the kitchen.
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